1.1. By accessing the Retard Checker platform ("the Platform"), submitting intake requests, viewing diagnostic dossiers, or otherwise interacting with our clinical systems, you enter into a binding agreement with the Clinic. This agreement supersedes any prior delusions you may have had about your own intelligence.

1.2. You must be at least 18 years of age to use this Platform. If you are under 18, we recommend you wait until you've accumulated enough life experience for our diagnostics to accurately measure the full scope of your cognitive deficiencies.

1.3. By creating an account or submitting a diagnostic request, you represent and warrant that:

• You have the legal capacity to enter into these Terms;
• You are not prohibited from using the Platform under any applicable law;
• You accept full responsibility for your emotional state upon receiving a diagnosis;
• You understand that the truth hurts—but not as much as willful ignorance.

2.1. Account Creation: Users may create accounts to access enhanced Platform features. Upon registration, you will be assigned a Member ID. Guard this ID as you would guard your dignity—carefully, and with full awareness that it may be publicly associated with your diagnostic results.

2.2. Account Security: You are solely responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your account credentials. The Clinic is not liable for any unauthorized access resulting from your failure to secure your login information. Password recommendations include combinations not based on your IQ estimate.

2.3. Accurate Information: You agree to provide accurate, current, and complete information during registration. The Clinic reserves the right to suspend or terminate accounts containing false information. Lying on your intake form will not improve your diagnostic score.

2.4. Account Termination: The Clinic may, at its sole discretion, suspend or terminate your account for any reason, including but not limited to:

• Violation of these Terms;
• Abusive behavior toward clinic staff or systems;
• Attempts to manipulate diagnostic results;
• General retardation exceeding platform tolerances;
• Any conduct deemed harmful to the Clinic's clinical mission.

3.1. Nature of Services: The Retard Checker platform provides satirical, entertainment-based psychological profiling using publicly available information. Our "diagnoses", "clinical assessments", and "metric evaluations" are generated for entertainment and educational commentary purposes.

3.2. Not Medical Advice: NOTHING ON THIS PLATFORM CONSTITUTES ACTUAL MEDICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, OR PSYCHIATRIC ADVICE. Dr. Retard is not a licensed medical professional, psychiatrist, or therapist in any jurisdiction. If you require genuine mental health assistance, please consult a licensed healthcare provider—not a website called "Retard Checker".

3.3. No Professional Relationship: Your use of this Platform does not create a doctor-patient, therapist-client, or any other professional relationship. The Clinic assumes no duty of care toward users beyond providing entertainment content.

3.4. Accuracy Disclaimer: While our Clinical Engine employs advanced analytical methods, we make no representations or warranties regarding the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of any diagnostic output. The Retard Score™, IQ estimates, and psychometric assessments are entertainment metrics, not clinically validated measurements.

3.5. Subject Consent: Users submitting intake requests for public figures acknowledge that such individuals are subject to public commentary and criticism. Users may not submit diagnostic requests for private individuals without their explicit consent.

4.1. Clinic Property: All content, features, and functionality of the Platform—including but not limited to text, graphics, logos, diagnostic algorithms, the Retard Score™ methodology, clinical reports, and Dr. Retard's distinctive voice—are owned by the Clinic or its licensors and are protected by intellectual property laws.

4.2. Limited License: Subject to these Terms, we grant you a limited, non-exclusive, non-transferable, revocable license to access and use the Platform for personal, non-commercial entertainment purposes.

4.3. Restrictions: You may not:

• Reproduce, distribute, or publicly display Platform content without authorization;
• Modify, adapt, or create derivative works based on Platform content;
• Use Platform content for commercial purposes without written consent;
• Attempt to reverse-engineer the Clinical Engine algorithms;
• Remove any copyright or proprietary notices;
• Claim authorship of Dr. Retard's clinical insights.

4.4. User Submissions: By submitting content to the Platform (including intake requests, evidence, and context), you grant the Clinic a perpetual, worldwide, royalty-free license to use, modify, and display such content in connection with Platform operations.

5.1. Acceptable Use: You agree to use the Platform only for lawful purposes and in accordance with these Terms. The Clinic maintains high standards of discourse—ironic, given our subject matter.

5.2. Prohibited Conduct: Users shall not:

• Harass, abuse, or threaten other users or Platform staff;
• Submit false or misleading intake information;
• Attempt to manipulate diagnostic queues or voting systems;
• Use automated systems (bots, scrapers) without authorization;
• Impersonate the Clinic, Dr. Retard, or other users;
• Upload malicious code or attempt to compromise Platform security;
• Use the Platform to defame private individuals;
• Engage in any activity that disrupts Platform operations;
• Exhibit levels of retardation that crash our analytics systems.

5.3. Community Standards: When participating in community features (evidence submission, commenting, voting), you agree to maintain standards of constructive discourse. Ad hominem attacks are only acceptable when clinically justified.

6.1. Subscription Tiers: The Platform offers premium subscription services ("Operator Tier") providing enhanced access to clinical features. Current pricing, features, and terms are detailed on our Pricing page.

6.2. Payment Processing: All payments are processed through Stripe, Inc. By subscribing, you agree to Stripe's terms of service in addition to these Terms.

6.3. Billing Cycle: Premium subscriptions are billed annually. Your subscription will automatically renew unless cancelled before the renewal date.

6.4. Refund Policy: Due to the immediate nature of digital access, refunds are generally not provided. However, the Clinic may, at its sole discretion, provide refunds in cases of:

• Technical issues preventing access to premium features;
• Duplicate charges or billing errors;
• Requests made within 48 hours of initial purchase.

6.5. Price Changes: The Clinic reserves the right to modify subscription pricing. Existing subscribers will be notified of price changes prior to their renewal date.

6.6. Feature Modifications: Premium features may be modified, added, or removed at the Clinic's discretion. The Clinic will endeavor to provide equivalent value but makes no guarantees regarding specific feature availability.

7.1. Disclaimer of Warranties: THE PLATFORM IS PROVIDED "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. THE CLINIC DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT.

7.2. Limitation of Damages: TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, THE CLINIC SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO:

• Loss of profits, revenue, or data;
• Emotional distress from diagnostic results;
• Damage to reputation (real or perceived);
• Existential crises triggered by clinical insights;
• Any damages arising from your use of the Platform.

7.3. Maximum Liability: In no event shall the Clinic's total liability exceed the amount you paid to the Clinic in the twelve (12) months preceding the claim, or $100, whichever is greater.

7.4. Assumption of Risk: You acknowledge that use of the Platform involves risks, including the risk of encountering content you find offensive, inaccurate, or psychologically challenging. You assume full responsibility for these risks.

8.1. You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless the Clinic, its officers, directors, employees, agents, and affiliates from and against any and all claims, damages, obligations, losses, liabilities, costs, and expenses (including attorney's fees) arising from:

• Your use of the Platform;
• Your violation of these Terms;
• Your violation of any third-party rights;
• Any content you submit to the Platform;
• Your conduct in connection with the Platform.

9.1. Informal Resolution: Before initiating formal proceedings, you agree to first contact the Clinic at legal@retardchecker.com to attempt informal resolution. Most disputes can be resolved without litigation—much like most conditions can be diagnosed without a medical degree.

9.2. Arbitration Agreement: Any dispute not resolved informally shall be resolved through binding arbitration, rather than in court, except that you may assert claims in small claims court if eligible.

9.3. Class Action Waiver: You agree that disputes will be resolved on an individual basis and not as part of any class, consolidated, or representative action.

9.4. Governing Law: These Terms shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the United States, without regard to conflict of law principles.

10.1. The Clinic reserves the right to modify these Terms at any time. Changes will be effective upon posting to the Platform. Your continued use of the Platform following any changes constitutes acceptance of the revised Terms.

10.2. For material changes, the Clinic will provide notice through Platform announcements, email notification to registered users, or other reasonable means.

10.3. If you disagree with modified Terms, your sole remedy is to discontinue use of the Platform. Continuing to use the Platform after changes take effect constitutes acceptance.

11.1. Severability: If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions will continue in full force and effect.

11.2. Waiver: The Clinic's failure to enforce any provision of these Terms shall not constitute a waiver of that provision.

11.3. Entire Agreement: These Terms, together with the Privacy Policy, constitute the entire agreement between you and the Clinic regarding Platform use.

11.4. Assignment: You may not assign your rights or obligations under these Terms. The Clinic may assign its rights and obligations without restriction.

11.5. Force Majeure: The Clinic shall not be liable for any failure to perform obligations due to circumstances beyond reasonable control, including natural disasters, war, terrorism, or global pandemics of retardation.

For questions regarding these Terms of Service, please contact:

The Clinic endeavors to respond to all inquiries within 7-10 business days. Response time may vary based on the complexity of your inquiry and the current diagnostic queue load.